I had a really great confession today. I’ve been struggling with pride lately. Pride…that I know the answer to other people’s problems. Pride…that I know the only possible solution to a problem. Pride…that my reality is the only truth. I could go on and on. I am a very prideful woman….and yet God loves me and knows this about me. So, what did I do? I fled to Him who is always waiting so patiently in the confessional, much like the father of the prodigal son. Hoping that once again He would release me from my sins and give me the grace to try and sin no more. God never fails me! Each time I go to confession I emerge a changed person, filled with hope that I can do better and conviction that our Lord sees me as I am and still calls me His beloved. This time in confession, the priest gave me a beautiful penance that I have never received before. He simply told me to meditate on the Nicene Creed. He noted that we tend to overlook the words because it has become a part of our routine and boy was he right!
This was a beautiful penance!
As I was reciting the Creed in my pew, thoughts starting popping into my head.
“I believe in one God the Father almighty maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.”
I am not God… A strong voice spoke in my heart. Ouch. There is only one God the Father Almighty.
“I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, born of the Father before all ages….true God from true God…begotten not made….consubstantial with the Father….”
Again …. I am not God. There is only one Lord Jesus Christ.
I believe in the Holy Sprit, the Lord the giver of life…who with the Father and Son is adored and glorified….
Yep, you guessed it….I am not God!
I believe in one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church…
I am not the Church either! I have no authority over others and am equal to everyone else.
Waves of humility washed over me. By assuming I alone have the answers, I was trying to play God. Trying to “become like God”…which was the very lie that Satan used on Adam and Eve in the Garden to trick them into eating the Forbidden Fruit. Satan never uses new tricks; he isn’t that clever. He recycles the ones that have worked before and they obviously work on me!
Jesus knew this because He warned of judging others. He warned of thinking too highly of ourselves. He admonished us to keep love in our heart. Why? Because Pride removes love from our hearts because we are trying to supplant God as the true Lord in our lives and instead, we try to install ourselves as pseudo-gods who know better than the other lowly humans…or maybe even God Himself.
Ouch. Then I started reading quotes from saints on humility:
A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. -St. Faustina
If you elevate yourself, God distances Himself from you. If you humble yourself, He leans towards you. -St. Augustine
Humility is nothing but truth, and pride is nothing but lying. -St. Vincent de Paul
I could go on and on. The saints warn us of the sin of pride again and again.
I will admit I felt a little despair but then I remembered that my God knows my heart. He knows that I am going to fall again into the sin of pride. But…He also knows that I will run back to Him as quickly as I can. The saints tell us that we can never exhaust the ocean of mercy that the Lord has for us….and that brings me great comfort and peace.
O God of truth and mercy, heal the wounds my pride has caused. Let humility guide my words, and charity guide my actions, so that broken bonds may be restored in Your light. Amen.
Clinging to the Little Way 